When Scotland Win the World Cup

David Patrick Lane — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 12:59:19 +0000

Great World Cups are often remembered as much for what happens off the pitch as what happens on the pitch. The pageantry and passion of supporters can be as memorable as the skill and performances of players.

Scottish qualification would go a long way to ensuring a successful South Africa 2010.

Recalcitrant Scottish tribes pumping through the arteries of Pretoria, their bestial roars still powerful enough to send shivers down the spines of long dead Roman Legionnaires. (Note to the BBC, CNN, AP and Reuters: Europe has tribes too.) The Free State Stadium in Bloemfontein booming to the tune of Scotland the Brave.

Here’s the Tartan Army invading Paris in 2007.

The Rainbow Nation can only be enriched by such a swathe of tartan; good humoured, grown men in skirts still raising a glass to Maradona’s Hand of God. The authorities need only make sure they don’t mix their Kwaitos with their Castles.

Scotland now have to contend with the tribes of Macedonia and Norway, before navigating a FIFA 2nd place permutation in group qualifiers, and then finally a home and away fixture against some other European entity. We will be reporting and supporting them.

Although many Southern Africans barely need reminding of the firepower of certain other European tribes, they will soon be witness to shots and invasions from the sublime to the ridiculous. Ugandan-born Germans in the colors of the Fatherland, turning on a shilling and shooting like Gerd Müller. An Orange Army consisting of brutal looking Dutch fellas built like brick outhouses wearing petit ladies orange thongs, their dangling pink accessories going unreported in the Italian issue of Marie Claire.

Congratulations to Holland for being the first European team to qualify. We are glad for the chance to be commenting on and cheering on the Dutch. Their presence will make the World Cup experience considerably more fruity.

Note to MacDougall, MacTavish and Co. Invading the pitch is so 1970s.

But if Scotland win the World Cup, we wouldn’t object to the Scots taking on another Cross Bar Challenge or returning to the highlands with bits of the Johannesburg pitch in their suitcases.

Let us know which European Tribes you think will add flavor to our World Cup?

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When Scotland Win the World Cup